As of Late

There have been people around me saying very profound things as of late.

Ivan said to me the other day that anger must be kicked in the crotch. (I asked him if this just wouldn't make anger even madder, and he clarified that you run really fast after you kick.)

FlyLady says to jump in where you are. Meaning to start (or, as in my case, restart) her program you don't have to start with a clean slate. You can jump in right from where you're at. In my case that's a messy kitchen, a pool table hiding under a flaming hotspot and a trash pile reaching up the stairs.

Nikki told me about her room. Not her bedroom, but the living room, only it's not, it's her room. When she explained that it's where she can go for some peace and relative quite believe you me I started acting differently in that room. When I got home, I made my own out of the space that was just holding junk. It's not finished, but I am where I am and that's good enough.

My husband told me I'm doing a great job because the are no dead babies and no poop on the walls (at the moment at least!), and the house hasn't burned down.

In general conference this morning President Ukdorf (forgive me if that's spelled wrong.) said that sometimes our good ideas become expectations.

In the last general conference someone talked about teaching children to be reverent but to have "realistic exceptions."

What does all this have to do with being a twin mom? I'll tell you!
First off, depression sucks, but is caused, one way or another, by anger. Kick it in the crotch.
Next I'm really trying to keep my head above water while keeping all my pumpkins down. (Yes, pumpkins. Imagine a big vat of water with a bunch of floating pumpkins and you're trying to push them all down under the water. Only when you let go of one to push another the one you let go of pops back up. Now try this while treading water. Doesn't sound too fun does it? But I sounds just like day to day life for me!) So flylady helps by teaching me to say "That pumpkin can float until I can get this pumpkin out of the water because really swimming around with pumpkins is kind of ridiculous, don't you think?"
Then Nikki jumps in and shows me another way to help bring the Spirit into my home. So needed right now!
My husband may not be doing the dishes, but he's not complaining about them either.
Good ideas are well and good, but not always doctrine that will help me to heaven, so I can take some of those good idea pumpkins and toss them out of my vat for now.
Realistic expectations. Just saying it makes knots in my neck and shoulders melt away. Awww... Realistic expectations... from my husband (nope, he hasn't learned to read minds yet.) from my kids (who think no is the funniest word ever) and from myself (who will not clean during nap time, but instead take some well needed me-staying-sane-time)

Even if that means having my FIL see my messy kitchen and having him point out that that's why there's mice and I should really clean it up.

Yes, I nearly cried. But I didn't, because I see what he can't, along with what he can. I see what I'm not doing. Believe me, I know I need to sweep the floor and vacuum. But I also see what I am doing. I'm no longer counting the pumpkins I can't keep under water and out of sight. But I know exactly how many I've got rid of and will never have to see again. And even if I'm the only one who can see that much, it's enough, because I know they're gone.

And I finally love myself. (Which is the whole point Ivan, Nikki, F.L.YLady, my husband, prophets and apostles and God have been trying to get across all along.)