Last words on my last meal

You know that whole "live everyday as if it were your last" attitude? I guess it's supossed to make us live life to the fullest but let me tell you what it does to me.

It drives me up the flippin' wall! That's what. You see, I've heard stories about people diying without giving the proper notice to their loved ones so there's all this guilt for saying stupid as the last thing they ever said and all that. (ok, but by the grace of god err go I... I haven't had to live through such a tragedy but stick with me, I am going somewhere with this.)

I've been living like this, like every day is my last and you know what? It's not healthy for a perfectionest to do that. Because every morning when my husband leaves for work I don't say what's in my heart I say what I would want my last words to him to be just incase he doesn't come back. What a drag!

No more! I will now be shaking off this guilt from a repressive sociaty that is merely holding back my potentalty.

If Jeff dies before his time, God forbid, it will just have to be enough that out of all the guys out there I chose to marry him and have his babies. Doesn't that mean more than anything else anyway?

I do feel bad for all the loss people suffer, but I can't live life to the fullest thinking everything is the last. It just makes me want to get everything movie perfect, something I can never do.

So from now on I'm going to say what's in my heart and stop living by the script of a tragedy.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPod

Mmm....

I did it! And I'm proud! I finally figured out a way to feed my 15-month-old twins yogurt without having to sit there and spoon feed it to them. Don't say it, I know you're thinking "how hard can that be?" The babies eat at opposite ends of the table where we could get the hook on high chairs to fit so I either need two people to feed them yogurt, or I have to run back and forth. They are learning to use spoons, but sometimes I need to give them a quick snack.... So it did it and I'm proud!!!!

I guess I should tell you what, huh?

I covered kix with yogurt. Messy? Yes. But it leaves me free to do something while they eat. (Which is usually getting me something to eat.) They liked it! :) For now. Actually I liked it too. I may never eat cereal with milk again. Never did like it that way anyway.

As of Late

There have been people around me saying very profound things as of late.

Ivan said to me the other day that anger must be kicked in the crotch. (I asked him if this just wouldn't make anger even madder, and he clarified that you run really fast after you kick.)

FlyLady says to jump in where you are. Meaning to start (or, as in my case, restart) her program you don't have to start with a clean slate. You can jump in right from where you're at. In my case that's a messy kitchen, a pool table hiding under a flaming hotspot and a trash pile reaching up the stairs.

Nikki told me about her room. Not her bedroom, but the living room, only it's not, it's her room. When she explained that it's where she can go for some peace and relative quite believe you me I started acting differently in that room. When I got home, I made my own out of the space that was just holding junk. It's not finished, but I am where I am and that's good enough.

My husband told me I'm doing a great job because the are no dead babies and no poop on the walls (at the moment at least!), and the house hasn't burned down.

In general conference this morning President Ukdorf (forgive me if that's spelled wrong.) said that sometimes our good ideas become expectations.

In the last general conference someone talked about teaching children to be reverent but to have "realistic exceptions."

What does all this have to do with being a twin mom? I'll tell you!
First off, depression sucks, but is caused, one way or another, by anger. Kick it in the crotch.
Next I'm really trying to keep my head above water while keeping all my pumpkins down. (Yes, pumpkins. Imagine a big vat of water with a bunch of floating pumpkins and you're trying to push them all down under the water. Only when you let go of one to push another the one you let go of pops back up. Now try this while treading water. Doesn't sound too fun does it? But I sounds just like day to day life for me!) So flylady helps by teaching me to say "That pumpkin can float until I can get this pumpkin out of the water because really swimming around with pumpkins is kind of ridiculous, don't you think?"
Then Nikki jumps in and shows me another way to help bring the Spirit into my home. So needed right now!
My husband may not be doing the dishes, but he's not complaining about them either.
Good ideas are well and good, but not always doctrine that will help me to heaven, so I can take some of those good idea pumpkins and toss them out of my vat for now.
Realistic expectations. Just saying it makes knots in my neck and shoulders melt away. Awww... Realistic expectations... from my husband (nope, he hasn't learned to read minds yet.) from my kids (who think no is the funniest word ever) and from myself (who will not clean during nap time, but instead take some well needed me-staying-sane-time)

Even if that means having my FIL see my messy kitchen and having him point out that that's why there's mice and I should really clean it up.

Yes, I nearly cried. But I didn't, because I see what he can't, along with what he can. I see what I'm not doing. Believe me, I know I need to sweep the floor and vacuum. But I also see what I am doing. I'm no longer counting the pumpkins I can't keep under water and out of sight. But I know exactly how many I've got rid of and will never have to see again. And even if I'm the only one who can see that much, it's enough, because I know they're gone.

And I finally love myself. (Which is the whole point Ivan, Nikki, F.L.YLady, my husband, prophets and apostles and God have been trying to get across all along.)

Why Didn't I...

...think of that?!

That is, using shaving cream to get out stains from carpet, upholstery, clothes, you name it. I mean it should have been obvious, right? There's a reason I don't get out my 409 to take care of couch stains and carpet stains. You need foam for that sort of thing, something that won't soak in. Sure you could put of dawn in the blender and get some great suds, but who has time? 

This is a Twinnovation from Nikki. You rock Nikki! And I'm going to get some shaving cream ASAP and try it on the pizza stains on my white arm chair. Yes I fed the babies pizza in the living room next to the white chair. I'll let you know what happens. 

This Weeks Twinovation

This weeks Twinnovation is The Vacuum cleaner!

I love my vacuum. I really do. I love it more today than yesterday *breaking out in song* but I love you, Less today, Less than I wiiiiiiiiillllll tomorrow! 

*sigh* I love Elvis.

Anyway, today I realized I can vacuum my kitchen floor. Now sure, I always knew I could, in theory. It was just something you don't do. You vacuum carpet, you sweep the floor. You never vacuum the floor. Today I questioned the establishment! (Don't worry, I know it's just an imagined establishment, just like all establishments we question.) and took my vacuum off roading-- off carpeting. Then I got out the hose attachment (on board, of course! :) ) and vacuumed off the boys' trays on their walkers that they eat in because Bob can't climb out of his... yet... 

I could have just cried. My life just got easier! A few less moments of survival mood and a few more moments of near sanity. 

Now I want this:

http://www.dirtdevil.com/Products/productDetail.aspx?id=16255

I was actually thinking of inventing one the other day, *dreamy look in eyes* a handheld wet/dry vac I can vacuum my kitchen counters with! But then I thought "Maybe someone else already has! That would be great 'cause I really don't need one more thing to do." And there it is. With free shipping. Tears of joy people, tears of joy.

So hug your vacuum this week and take it off carpeting and do a little less sweeping. Your broom won't mind.

Where Does The Time Go?

I'll tell you where it doesn't go, it doesn't go into some time bank. 

A few years back I read "Momo" by Michael Ende. (He also wrote "The Neverending Story".) It's a brilliant book and I picked up something from it and from my person finance class in collage that I'm featuring as today's Twinnovation. 

Ever look at the receipt from the grocery store and notice at the bottom is says something like "You saved $5.83 today!" Well, where is it? 

The truth is, if you don't go take $5.83 and put it into your piggy bank you haven't really saved it at all.

In "Momo" there was a group of bad guys that would convince people that they were wasting their time, that if they could just save their time, work quicker, and don't waste your time on frivolous things like visiting friends, over the years you would save up all this time. But the truth is, no hour can ever be re-lived. You can't save it, but you can live it.

Well, you can save it if  you have a purpose in mind. Like putting the dishes strait into the dishwasher as you use them so you don't spend time doing dishes and you spend time with your kids. There's no point saving it if you're not going to do anything with it. 

Just like that $5.83, you need a reason to save it. Even "for a rainy day" is a reason. Just throwing money into a savings account doesn't really do you any good. Saving it so you have 3 months worth of rent and food money, now that will do you good. 

What I'm trying to say is, live. If there's a bunch of things you want to do, go do them. Have some fun, enjoy where you are, as the song says "Live, love, laugh and be happy." You can never get this moment back. 

Today's Twinnovation: Mrs Perfect

You all know her, she's that lady you know who married Mr. Perfect, the man that has a really great job. Every time you see Mrs P- she looks fabulous, and you wonder how she manages to find time to go to the gym when you can't find the time to get a shower. In other words, she looks perfect, her marriage looks perfect, her well behaved children always look perfect, she's just perfect!

And you can't stand it!

However I just found out her secrets! There are two I'll list here.

See, my neighborhood Mrs. P- is really likable and I've always looked up to her. (And I love her shoes! I wish I could still wear cute high heels!) 

But she told me somthing that made it so I would never look at her the same ever again. She told me about this one day where one of her boys pooped his pants and she was running late for something because she had to rinse out his pants in the toilet.

Imagining her doing that, a task I've had to do myself *shudder*, made me look at her totally differently. She isn't Mrs. P-, she's normal!

But wait, you say. That can't be one of her secrets to perfection! Well duh. The thing is, she isn't perfect at all, any more than you or I are. You just think she is. Your perception has created someone you can't live up to. So imagine her up to her elbows in toilet water. It'll help.

Her other little trick, if I might call it that, is one I also recommend for some (even though I'm not a doctor and only your doctor should recommend blah blah blah) Prozac.

That's right, good ol' anti-depressants. Do you know what that means? That means Mrs. P- needs help being the woman you see. There's no shame in that. If you can't cope, talk to your doctor. Know that Mrs. P- couldn't cope either.

So go ahead and look up to her, but just realise that she's really not any more perfect than anyone else. And if you wished you looked as pretty, do what I do, wear a *crown. You'll still end up having to clean poopy messes, but at least you'll look good while you're doing it.

*By crown I mean a sparkly head band that I wore when I got married. Why shouldn't I look like the princess I am? Or as my husband says "a genius and a godess." Thanks honey!